It's kinda funny to me how church is usually the last place people are honest. At Unity First, for example, you could walk in on a Sunday morning and ask someone how they're doing, and they'll tell you they're fine when really they've had one of the worst weeks of their lives. I suppose people have their reasons. Still, it got me to thinking about other ways we might be dishonest around church. So here's my list of 15 things that we'd say at church if we was really honest.
1. Where you're sitting, for the record, has been my pew for the past twelve years.
2. I meant to spend time praying for your surgery, but cable was showing a "House" marathon.
3. We respect all viewpoints. Now shut up.
4. All I had was a five, but I took change out of the plate.
5. Turn to the book of what?
6. And right after the men's prayer breakfast, we're going to hold the women's kitchen clean-up.
7. Volunteer in the nursery this morning? I'd rather have my teeth extracted with rusty pliers.
8. The parts of your sermon that kept me awake -- inspiring.
9. If I wanted you to question my decision, I wouldn't have said that God gave me a vision for this.
10. Of course the recliner's a piece of crap. That's why I'm donating it to the youth ministry.
11. See you next Easter.
12. Whoa! You got one ugly baby!
13. I'm not one to gossip but ... Hey, who am I kidding? Pull up a chair.
14. During the sermon, I like to see how many spelling errors I can find in the church bulletin.
15. Actually, this morning, the choir really sucked.
Feel free to share your thoughts on these or suggest some others that could have been on the list.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
15 Things We'd Say in Church If We Were Honest
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4 comments:
here's another:
I'm sorry. I thought you understood that the question "how are you" was rhetorical!
That's a mighty good one, Anony. Oh, by the way, "How are you?"
Carl,
I'm still waiting on your car keys spritual lesson to Dee you mentioned previously. Any idea when I'll get to readin' that spritual message?
Hey, Anonymous. Thanks for your concern about the slowdown in my writing of late. I promise it will get back on track real soon. I got this fellow who looks over my writings for me before I post them. He cleans it up a bit, correcting spelling errors and the like. The guy’s been too busy because of some writing contests he has to enter. For what it’s worth, I’ll see if I can light a fire under him.
One more thing. I’m more prone to answer comments that aren’t anonymous. At least tell me your first name. I suppose you could make up a name and pretend to be someone else. I wouldn’t know. But I got to tell you that it rankles my feathers when someone writes something and pretends to be someone else. Not very honest if you ask me.
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