15 Things We'd Say in Church If We Were Honest

It's kinda funny to me how church is usually the last place people are honest. At Unity First, for example, you could walk in on a Sunday morning and ask someone how they're doing, and they'll tell you they're fine when really they've had one of the worst weeks of their lives. I suppose people have their reasons. Still, it got me to thinking about other ways we might be dishonest around church. So here's my list of 15 things that we'd say at church if we was really honest.

1. Where you're sitting, for the record, has been my pew for the past twelve years.

2. I meant to spend time praying for your surgery, but cable was showing a "House" marathon.

3. We respect all viewpoints. Now shut up.

4. All I had was a five, but I took change out of the plate.

5. Turn to the book of what?

6. And right after the men's prayer breakfast, we're going to hold the women's kitchen clean-up.

7. Volunteer in the nursery this morning? I'd rather have my teeth extracted with rusty pliers.

8. The parts of your sermon that kept me awake -- inspiring.

9. If I wanted you to question my decision, I wouldn't have said that God gave me a vision for this.

10. Of course the recliner's a piece of crap. That's why I'm donating it to the youth ministry.

11. See you next Easter.

12. Whoa! You got one ugly baby!

13. I'm not one to gossip but ... Hey, who am I kidding? Pull up a chair.

14. During the sermon, I like to see how many spelling errors I can find in the church bulletin.

15. Actually, this morning, the choir really sucked.

Feel free to share your thoughts on these or suggest some others that could have been on the list.
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